An exercise to help you become aware of your own jealous tendencies and to take action before it's too late.

Preparation
Before trying this exercise it's worth having a look at the Guidelines for exercises.

Take two sheets of paper each and do the exercise individually before talking about it together.

Before you start you may want to read Understanding jealousy.

What to do
Take your first sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. Call the first column "My jealousy triggers." Under this heading, write down as many things as you can remember that have made you jealous in the past. Include things that happened in previous relationships as well as your current one. You might want to list things such as hearing stories about your partner's ex, knowing someone else fancies them and flirting at parties.

Call the second column "Thoughts and feelings." Read back over the first column and write down all the thoughts and feelings you remember having around the time of those triggers. For example, flirting at parties may have left you feeling left out and resentful.

Divide the second sheet of paper into two columns as well. Call the first column "What I can do to help myself" and the second one "What my partner can do to help me." Under each heading, write down as many ideas as you can, making them as specific as possible to the triggers on your list.

In the first column you may include things such as "Seek reassurance," "Ask for information" and "Use positive self-talk." In the other you might have "Be affectionate and attentive," "Don't talk to ex," "Agree boundaries for flirting."

Talk it through
When you've both completed your lists, sit down and share what you've written. This should give you a better understanding of the things that create jealousy in your relationship and help you devise ways of managing it.