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1. Love yourself
Unless you love yourself, it's hard for you to believe that anyone else
will.
Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship. When you truly like
yourself, in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have, you'll feel
confident. And when you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can
enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not
because you feel you need them to survive. For tips on building confidence
see the Improving confidence site.
If you've had bad experiences in the past, it's worth working through these
issues with a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting to lean on
your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as
an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be.
2. Like your partner
Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other.
It may be more romantic to talk about love, but it's important to remember
that love is an emotion that comes and goes.
If you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, agree with how each
other thinks and behaves, and share the same dreams in life, then loving
feelings will never be too far away.
It's important to tell your partner you like them, too. Warm words of
encouragement and support build trust and respect. Add the odd compliment as
well and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.
3. Make quality time
The importance of things can be measured by the amount of time we're willing
to give them. When a couple first gets together, they instinctively
prioritise their relationship. But as time goes by and life gets busier with
work and children, time together often slips down the list of priorities.
If you don't spend regular quality time together, chances are you'll drift
apart. Making such time for each other may mean sacrificing other
activities, but remember it's an investment in your future happiness.
4. Communicate
Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. It's the only
way you can tell your partner who you are, what you want and why you behave
the way you do. Talking is the way we let each other into our private
worlds.
Communicating better is about learning to say openly and honestly exactly
what you think and feel. It also means listening to your partner without
judgement. For more see Talk and listen.
5. Argue well
It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of a relationship.
We're all unique and so we're bound to have our differences.
Couples who argue well don't have to worry about not always agreeing. A good
argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond
by reaching a decision you're both happy with. It can be an experience that
leaves you both feeling more confident about your relationship and brings
you closer together.
6. Touch every day
Touching is a vital human need. Studies have shown that without touching,
many animals - including humans - will die in childhood. Being caressed also
lowers blood pressure and releases natural opiates in the brain, as well as
the chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human pair-bonding. For more,
see Sensual touching.
Touch has the power to comfort and support, to protect and encourage, to
relax and, of course, to arouse. Every couple knows their sex life may have
dry periods, but our need for physical affection never changes.
7. Accept change
People change over the years and it's these changes that can keep a
relationship alive. Life changes too - and not always in ways that we want.
Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be
painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of
life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and
safe.
In successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together.
They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each
other, for better for worse.
Keeping all seven principles going isn't easy, but the more you can manage
on a regular basis, the stronger your relationships will be.
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